30 Days of Getting Your Ass Kicked: Day 3

When labeling theses posts I always forget if I should put the challenge first or the number of days.

How do you set out to start your day when you're deciding to be vulnerable? Do walk out the door, looking for things that will make you cry? Do you tell strangers about your insecurities you have addressing women in public? Well maybe in time. But for right now it's about recognizing situations that make you feel vulnerable and....I'm not sure....being okay with it? Well maybe not. I don't know this is a process. 

Was I especially insecure today? No not really I was pretty chill at work today. But my job is boring. Here's what I'm vulnerable about. After having a meeting I went to a friends birthday celebration and had some drinks. I had an adorable friend who also has the plan to move to NY around the same time as me. It was great talking to her about our mutual plans but it was also a little scary. Why because she plans on moving really soon and I have no reason not to do the same. I'm just scared. I mean what is this shit am I this much of a lunatic? Why can't I just throw my hat over the wall and commit to something. 

But that part doesn't even matter. The point is I'm constantly faced with these bullshit existential questions while in social situations and this all drastically cuts down on my fun. I have a hard time being in the moment. Again this challenge leaves me sitting with my thumb up my ass because this is something I need to work on.

But here's a start. My friend kept telling me that in regards to moving that she'd never been so equally excited and scared. Which doesn't sound so bad. When I look back I realize all the times I was scared ended up being my craziest memories. Why can't I maintain that in the moment. Maybe if I took more jumps I would remember how exciting it is being a little afraid.