So today was renewal. Things are going to get corny in this post. It was hot today, not especially but after all these wintery shenanigans it took me off guard for sure. Initially I was slowed down by the heat like some senior citizen who's retired to Miami. As the day went on and a breeze picked up it actually became a nice afternoon, I looked around at shadows getting longer and in accordance with the challenge I told myself that all was well (I warned you). I realized that the re wiring of my brain was taking affect for real as I was driving to work and every single stupid pop song I heard sounded meaningful and life affirming. I switched to The Beastie Boys and that was equally inspiring. I won't necessarily say I was happy, I think their should be a middle ground. Where you're not necessarily ecstatic but you're not doing badly and physically nothing is trying to kill you (no panthers at my job). Yeah there's circumstances in my life that could be better but for right now...you know where I'm going with this. A lot of the time my mind wanders while I'm at work, I want to remedy that completely but I can at least say it migrates to negative shit a lot less. I have really awful habit of letting really random shit bother me, like people posting pictures of their grilled cheese on facebook. Crazy shit would frustrate me and would bring up randomly depressing things. I had sick thoughts...
So after work I had to go to a meeting with my production company (I'll name them eventually but I want to make sure first). I had a long talk with my friend Alex about depression and not feeling good enough and all that jazz. I realized how long my actions and outlook has been predominately negative and honestly began to feel like I'd been sick for a long time. The most important thing we talked about was fear of failure. I restarted The Artist's Way three times now and there's a part in chapter 1 that talks about if you want to be an artist you have to be willing to be a bad artist. That part finally has taken to me, I need to go make movies. I don't why film more than all these other art forms has this unattainable connotation when any idiot can do it. Anyway, I didn't feel like I was behaving differently, but everyone would remark about how I was in a good mood which was news to me. I spent most of the meeting being silly but it was rewarding that people had noticed a difference.
Tasks:
Workout: It was good getting shit done early in the morning when I got up. The whole workouts go quicker now and maybe I'll start doing more reps.
Meditation: This was going well until my dad interrupted my task. I was working on telling myself to be quiet for most of it and focusing on the colors I saw when I closed my eyes. But my phone kept ringing with reminders to walk the dog.
Acts of kindness: I made a new best friend from the UK over the Summer from at work. She's back in England and today was her birthday so I wished her a wonderful birthday and told her I was excited to see her again and learn about everything she accomplished when we meet again. She mentioned that all my most heartfelt writings when all occur after I've been drinking but I just reminded her that a drunk mind speaks a sober heart to which she responded: 'Touche'.
Best parts of yesterday: 1) I apologize that many of my highlights include antidotes from work that make me laugh irrationally. This time it was girl who went back and forth between discussing her relationship problems and her outrage at a squirrel that decide to make its home in the ride. 2) I had quality time with my sister Stephanie, I even had her proofread my previous blog entry. She thought it was weird, which I was okay with. 3) I went to sleep reviewing my old Simpsons DVDs and came across a joke I'd almost forgot about where Homer imagines winning the lottery and covers himself in gold. If you saw it you'd understand.
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